Emotions and Their Role in Selling

In the 1960’s Eric Berne developed the concept of Transactional Analysis.  The foundation of this theory was that people have three primary “ego states” (Parent, Adult, & Child) that are developed in their early years from observing other people, and these ego states are subconsciously accessed based on various stimuli that people receive from their environment or from individuals that they are interacting with.  For example, if you are driving down the road minding your own business and suddenly someone cuts you off, you might react with fear and/or anger.  The stimulus caused you to change immediately from one ego state (Adult) to another (Child).  The applications in selling are important.  Here’s a summary of the ego states:

Parent:  There are two distinct and opposite sub-ego states that are needed to carry out the parental role.

  • The Critical Parent tends to be opinionated and judgmental.  Says things like “You should”…“Don’t do that”…“Be careful”…etc.
  • The Nurturing Parent is the more helpful of the two.  Says things like, “It’s okay”…“’Things will be fine”…”Don’t worry”…etc.

Adult:  The CEO of our personality.  Gathers & evaluates information objectively; makes decisions on the facts; logical and objective.  Says things like, “I think”…“In my opinion”…“How much?”… and asks open-ended questions to gather facts.

Child:  The Child is simply a bundle of unrestrained emotions.  Filled with anxieties; creative and spontaneous; self-centered and fun loving.  Says things like, “I’m afraid”…“I’m worried”…“I need help”…“I want”…etc.

People buy emotionally, and make decisions intellectually or logically.  We can go in and out of these ego states instantaneously based on the external stimuli we receive.  Here’s the application in selling.

Salespeople should spend 40% of their time in the Nurturing Parent ego state, and 60% in the Adult ego state.  Be nurturing with your prospects (“I understand”…“That sounds serious”…etc.).  In the Adult state ask questions to gather the facts (“Tell me more about that”…“How does that impact the company?”…“What have you done to fix it?”…“How do you feel about that?”…”Who else cares?”…etc.).

Prospects need to be in the emotional Child state initially, with their emotions taking charge (“I’m concerned about”…“I need to do something”…“I want this problem to go away”…etc.).  The salesperson’s questions should stimulate these types of responses.  Then the prospect’s  logical Adult takes over and gives the Child permission to do something (“That solution makes sense”…“Let’s get started right away.”)

Salespeople must never be in the Child ego state (“I need this business,” etc.) as it will cloud their judgment and make them ineffective at the investigating process.

Self-Study Assignment:  Can you recall any instances recently when you noticed the prospect go from one ego state to another?  How about instances when you were in the Child ego state and were emotionally caught up in the sales opportunity?  Did it cloud your judgment?  Try to pay attention to these changes in your prospects when you’re on sales calls, and don’t get yourself caught up in the Child ego state.